no_lj_christine (no_lj_christine) wrote,

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Life is crazy. Crazy busy. I find it hard sometimes to find time to relax and do nothing. For four days I’m working straight through and then I’m off for three days. The past few days have been close to a living hell. I think all the medication is completely out of my body and what I’m feeling is genuine. I’m going to try this the natural way. Exercise. I went for a really long walk today and it felt good. I feel better. I want to eat better and not make exceptions all the time like I do. I can do this.
Work this week was hellish. Besides the fact I’ve had a million different things on my mind. I just didn’t have it together because they threw me on the counter yesterday morning and it’s like working ten tables with single assholes at each one. Thank God for the Shack regulars or I would have gone crazy.
Mom woke me up at 3:30 Thursday morning because to say good-bye to Sassy who was doing really bad. They took him to the vets he’d had congestive heart failure and they put him to sleep. I’m really awful at mourning. I’m not even really sure how to mourn. All I know is God forbid when something bad happens to a human being that I love and cherish. I just won’t know what to do with myself.
Leaving Jon and his family was so hard. I love being there. Chris and Melissa kept asking me to not leave and to move in. Which coming from his parents was great, but heart-breaking. Its hard feeling needed in to places which are three hours apart. My mom told me that she never thought I’d stay in Connecticut the rest of my life. I agree, but I never expected to be thinking of such a decision so soon. Work is holding me down. If I had a really awful job I’d be packed up. I want to savor the next three years of school and schooling beyond that. But I’m so eager to jump into this new aspect of my life. Things feel so good when I’m there it’s just where I want to be. I’m not sure how to describe what I feel when I’m so far away from Jon. It just seems pointless and ridiculous to be so far away for so long from him. No one keeps me warm at night. No one to take care of or to take care of me.
We went out to dinner and to a carnival on Sunday night with his parents and we had so much fun. Chris and Jon kept trying to win stuffed animals for Melissa and I. Jon definitely spent a good $50 winning me a couple stuffed animals which he could have bought at Wal-Mart for a few bucks, but it’s a pride thing and I’ll forever cherish them. He won me the most adorable light brown monkey holding a red heart that says “Apes Over You.” And seeing it just warms my heart. I miss him so much.
I adore my hair. I love the highlights. I like the look it makes me feel a bit edgy and I feel like I have a slightly different outlook. It’s like the new look for the new life. I bought two new CDs last night. So far my favorite one is ShineDown. It reminds me of Chris from American Idol. I can't wait to buy his first CD. Can not wait.
I’m taking Sabrina out to see “Cars” tonight and Sean’s coming which will be so much fun. Call to join!
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