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Christine's Live Journal

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

6/19/06 06:35 pm

Rosie and I adopted a new kitten today. He's absolutely adorable. We're not sure on a name yet but I came up with Tigger. And I think it's a perfect name. Here are the pictures!!!


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6/16/06 05:29 pm

Life is crazy. Crazy busy. I find it hard sometimes to find time to relax and do nothing. For four days I’m working straight through and then I’m off for three days. The past few days have been close to a living hell. I think all the medication is completely out of my body and what I’m feeling is genuine. I’m going to try this the natural way. Exercise. I went for a really long walk today and it felt good. I feel better. I want to eat better and not make exceptions all the time like I do. I can do this.
Work this week was hellish. Besides the fact I’ve had a million different things on my mind. I just didn’t have it together because they threw me on the counter yesterday morning and it’s like working ten tables with single assholes at each one. Thank God for the Shack regulars or I would have gone crazy.
Mom woke me up at 3:30 Thursday morning because to say good-bye to Sassy who was doing really bad. They took him to the vets he’d had congestive heart failure and they put him to sleep. I’m really awful at mourning. I’m not even really sure how to mourn. All I know is God forbid when something bad happens to a human being that I love and cherish. I just won’t know what to do with myself.
Leaving Jon and his family was so hard. I love being there. Chris and Melissa kept asking me to not leave and to move in. Which coming from his parents was great, but heart-breaking. Its hard feeling needed in to places which are three hours apart. My mom told me that she never thought I’d stay in Connecticut the rest of my life. I agree, but I never expected to be thinking of such a decision so soon. Work is holding me down. If I had a really awful job I’d be packed up. I want to savor the next three years of school and schooling beyond that. But I’m so eager to jump into this new aspect of my life. Things feel so good when I’m there it’s just where I want to be. I’m not sure how to describe what I feel when I’m so far away from Jon. It just seems pointless and ridiculous to be so far away for so long from him. No one keeps me warm at night. No one to take care of or to take care of me.
We went out to dinner and to a carnival on Sunday night with his parents and we had so much fun. Chris and Jon kept trying to win stuffed animals for Melissa and I. Jon definitely spent a good $50 winning me a couple stuffed animals which he could have bought at Wal-Mart for a few bucks, but it’s a pride thing and I’ll forever cherish them. He won me the most adorable light brown monkey holding a red heart that says “Apes Over You.” And seeing it just warms my heart. I miss him so much.
I adore my hair. I love the highlights. I like the look it makes me feel a bit edgy and I feel like I have a slightly different outlook. It’s like the new look for the new life. I bought two new CDs last night. So far my favorite one is ShineDown. It reminds me of Chris from American Idol. I can't wait to buy his first CD. Can not wait.
I’m taking Sabrina out to see “Cars” tonight and Sean’s coming which will be so much fun. Call to join!

6/8/06 12:26 pm

Life is good. I realized that I stopped crying and became happy when I accidentally missed my medication a few times. So I've made an executive decision to stop taking it. And I feel great. My mom keeps pushing that I go to the doctor. I had an appointment on Monday and I went to reschedule but May is booked for a month. Fuck that basically. I made an appointment with my family doctor. When smoking cigarettes makes me happier than a perscribed anti-depressant I'm not taking the right drug. And after over a year of being subdued into a supposive happiness stupor. I'm done. I've had it with trance-like happiness, I'll just have to start exercising and just deal with what life throws at me. Or maybe I'll start taking the medication I started off with because it made me lose weight. That'd be nice.

I miss my man. I spent the whole month of May with him practically and being away from him for almost two weeks is a torture I wish never exsisted. I have a whole year to decide, but I'm thinking of moving in with him next summer and coming home to visit. The reality of me staying in East Lyme forever is non-exsistant.

Today is our six month anniversary. Six months. I'm Jon's longest relationship and Jon's my only relationship that's actually meant something genuine. He wants to do something really special this weekend. I'd be completely satisfied with a quiet romantic night cuddling in bed.

I've been working on my scrapbook and I know some probably think it sounds dumb or weird but I don't honestly give a flying fuck. I love every page and having a hint of a hobby or something to do other than watch TV or read a book when I'm home makes me happy. I want everyone to see my scrapbook. It's coming out really nice!

5/31/06 06:41 pm

Life is good. I haven't updated in weeks. But, the internet has not been a daily activity nor an important aspect of my life. I feel like I've been running for the past thirty days, but I'm not complaining. I've been having the time of my life attempting to balance the love of my life and my new family, my own family, my friends, sleeping and working. I'm officially a waitress at The Shack. I'll be bussing and waitresses. I love waitressing. It's great money and I really do enjoy my job.

I had another great extended weekend with Jon and his family. Jon and I saw X-Men: The Last Stand, we went out to dinner, went to a Yankee game on Sunday and went to a family picnic on Monday. At the Yankee game, Jon bought me a Damon shirt and a monkey stuffed animal in Yankee shirt and hat with velcro hands a feet.

I've spent the majority of my days in the month of May with Jon and it's weird being home for more than a few days. I miss sleeping next to my man. I've finally figured out and adjusted to the right position to sleep next to him uninterrupted through the whole night. I love Jon so much. It's amazing to find someone who's open, honest, loving and giving.

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4/24/06 05:01 pm

Amazing.

(Pictures at the end...you're welcome to skip to the end.)

It all began with my drive to pick Jon up at Bridgeport. I had a fantastic small French Vanilla iced coffee light and sweet. This of course led to a lead foot once I hit New Haven because I had to go to bathroom really bad. **Note to self: Buy coffee an hour into trip next time.** Anyways, I picked Jon up and when we got into Niantic we parked and I showed him Hole in the Wall. Where he remarked that he didn't know that I lived "this close" to the ocean. *Moment of romantic gushing* It was beautiful out and just being there with him under the moonlight with the beautiful reflection on the water was amazing. Being held and kissed on the beach under the stars felt magical and surreal.

From the beach I brought Jon to meet my grandparents. And, as I expected, it was love at first sight. I believe my grandmother told my mother on Saturday to send me back to school, but keep Jon. Grandpa and I showed Jon all the cars and I showed Jon my baby album because I was chubby and bald, but I was cute. We visited for awhile and then we grabbed some food and went home. Thrusday night consisted a decent attempt to watch a movie. Okay, that's a lie. We put on Serenity knowing that I had no interest in the movie and Jon had already seen it. After a fantastic night we went to bed. Okay, that's a lie too. We were in my bed. But, it was hard to fall asleep. Eventually, we did fall asleep.

On Friday morning, Jon woke up at 10. I wanted to roll over and sleep more, but apparently, when Jon wakes up it's expected that everyone has had enough sleep and everyone is to wake up with him. We watched Chicken Little with Sabrina and Justin while mom got ready for work. Jon decided he was hungry so we got ready and went to The Shack. While Jon was in the shower I was talking to my mom when she said that she thought Jon and I had jumped into the shower together when I had taken a shower earlier. I asked her if she would have minded and she's like no, Justin and I do it and so do Sabrina and I, it's a communal shower. First of all, TMI, but all in all, hell yeah. My mother had given me permission to take a shower with my boyfriend, needless to say, if I hadn't completed my make-up and hair I would have jumped right back in the shower with my baby, but no worries...

So, I took Jon to breakfast at The Shack where he met Russell, and a bunch of the waitresses. Kathy proceeded to ask permission to give Jon a hug because he was so cute, so of course I told her it was fine and she did. And, Jon loved breakfast. Please, it's The Shack, what's not to love about the food?

After breakfast Jon and I said hi to my dad and then proceeded on to Devils Hopyard! The ride on the way to the park was great. I love the conversations Jon and I have. We seem to manage to have interesting, meaningful and provoking conversations. He was talking about birth control for our daughter and how our son better keep his dick in his pants until he's about 15 or 16. Then we discussed what careers we wanted to pursue, how poor we'll be, how expensive it is to live in Connecticut and where we would want to live. I love the fact that Jon's not afraid about talking about the future. There is such a stereotype of the man running in the other direction the minute a woman mentions the color white or the action of getting married, but not Jon. The future is far ahead of us, but he thinks about it and I love hearing his take on things.

Devils Hopyard was breath-taking. Jon and I took tons of pictures in which I ordered prints online to give as Mother's Day gifts and surprise gifts for Jon. He took an amazing picture of the waterfall and I'm going to get a large print of the picture and frame it. He has an interest in photography and I figured the picture could be some sort of inspiration because it turned out beautifully. Jon and I took the notorious "kissing pictures" which all came out heart-warming. Next time he comes home with me we're going hiking at Devils Hopyard, but I had flip flops on and we had to pick my mom up from work.

Jon and I then went to mall, met TC, went to Best Buy, picked up mom and watched part of Get Rich of Die Tryin'. It's really good by the way. Then we were going to go to visit my grandparents again because my grandfather loved him so much he asked him to come down and help him move something heavy. However, Jon happened to end up in my room behind a locked door and I just couldn't control myself. We played Monopoly. Okay, that's a lie. We didn't play any board games. We finally ended up at my grandparents and then we went out to dinner before seeing a movie. We went to see Silent Hill which wasn't fantastic, but it wasn't all that bad.

We went to bed and woke up early to go to lunch with my dad and Rosie. We took a shower together. I recommend it. I'm not going to lie this time. It was the best shower of my life. I felt so awake and alive all day long. It was so amazing to share such a personal, intimate part of my day with him. Showers don't look small until you get two people in there. No worries, we created ways to save some space. We went to Pizza Works for lunch and we had a blast!!! Then we hung around the house for awhile watching the rest of Get Rich or Die Tryin'. We left early for the concert and made good time.

The Billy Joel Concert was amazing. First of all, I love giving great gifts. This was one of the best gifts I have ever given. He even said to me at the beginning of the concert he felt like a little boy he was so amazed and excited by everything. I glanced over periodically and I even cried a few times because I was so overwhelmingly happy with his fingers lightly stroking my knee and his other hand tightly holding my hand. This weekend it felt so real. I felt less like a dating couple and more like we were living together ready to spend the rest of our lives together. I felt solidified, like the threads between us had been tightly woven. Everything felt so right. Billy Joel was absolutely fantastic. He was so talented and Jon and I heard some really awsome songs we knew and some awsome songs we didn't know, but want to listen to again and again.

After the concert Jon and his hormonal girlfriend Ms. overly-emotional-future-oriani cried in the car after a discussion on Jon's smoking habit. Apparently he was under the impression I didn't care, which I clarified didn't mean that I wanted him to smoke, it meant I prefered him not to smoke, but he needs to make that decision for himself and I'm not going to leave him because he smokes. He got super quiet and I started crying. He was super sweet trying to get out of me what was wrong when really I was upset by the fact that I just told him that I dislike the fact that he smoked and he didn't respond for a good ten minutes. It killed me and I cried. We talked about it for awhile and I started crying harder. Especially when I came out with "I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want you to be here for that." Needless to say, he promiced me that he would quit smoking by the end of the year.

At about 1230 ish we went to Super 24 hour Wal-Mart to go grocery shopping. The girls may understand this, but you can really tell a lot about a man by the way he is at the grocery store. I saw the rest of my life flash before my eyes. Jon is on top of things. He's like grabbing the carriage and rushing off for food and I'm wandering out of fatigue watching my super man grab ingredients to make a three course meal when we get home. I swear I didn't touch a single thing. He did all the shopping, I definitely gave him some advice, but he is such a fantastic help. Once I teach him how to cook, we're so golden.

We get back to the house at 1 in the morning and make dinner together for the first time. Now, I'm dead tired, but I can't tell you how easy it was so feel awake when I'm teaching my man how to cook because he really wants to learn. What could be better than a man that's trying to learn to cook? I taught him how to cook cheeseburgers and how to make the pasta from a package. We made dinner in twenty minutes. Record time. Jon made us a salad and we sat down to eat while watching Boondock Saints. After eating we ate some of our ice cream and then we started falling asleep. We went to bed. Sunday morning we got up to go to breakfast with my dad at JR's. I think Dad's warming up to Jon. He was laughing and joking at breakfast so things are good. I talked to Jon about my dad and how I'm all he has and I think Dad sees him as the man who's taking away his little girl, but I think things are going to be just fine. Jon can totally blend in with the outspokeness of Grandpa and the laid back quietness of my Dad.

After breakfast we bought some flowers for my mom and grandma and then went home to watch some more of Boondock Saints. Grandma and Grandpa came over for dinner. Dinner was great. Jon was quiet, but Grandma and Grandpa told the infamous stories of their travels. Some of them are hysterical. Grandma has had a month of many transitions and she's doing great. She laughed so hard she was crying. It felt so good to see my grandparents so happy. I love how open and loving my family is. I love the perfect fit of Jon and I, my family and Jon and my entire weekend.

I cried the few minutes before Jon got on the ferry, and then I was sobbing for about five minutes after he got on the ferry and I sat in the car in heaving sobs watching the boat pull away. I cry everytime I leave him, but I have never cried that hard. This weekend felt so right. I love him. oh. so. much.



The most amazing weekendCollapse )

4/24/06 12:29 am

I had an amazing weekend.

Detailed update with pictures tomorrow.

Sweet dreams.

4/13/06 06:38 pm

I have to write one paper. One long research paper and then I'm homefree. If only I could just start the stupid paper. I'm excited about it too. I'm excited to write it because I'm passionate about it. I'm writing about the trafficking of women through arranged marriages. Through my research I've become shocked and enraged which is are the best conditions for me to write a paper under because I write with passion.

I'm really glad I'm staying here. I'm branching out. I've actually hung out with other girls. And I really like them. Some of the girls here are decent, I just don't think I gave them a chance. It's a lot easier to swear people off than it is to take the time to get to know someone better and make a new friend, but I'm better now. I feel like I've fallen in love all over again with Danielle and Sarah. I know it sounds funny, but it's really how I feel. I'm going to miss those girls so unbelieveably much this summer. At least I only have to miss them for four months as opposed to missing my girls from back home for eight months. Still, it's going to be so hard. Figuring I spend every waking moment with Dani and Sarah.

Wheelock isn't the hell I made it out to be, in fact, I think I was the hell all along. This inner struggle with trying to happy really sucks me in. I changed medications and I guess I'm doing better. It makes me yawn like crazy, but I'm feeling less anti-social and don't want to run away from the world. I figured out that my transferring wouldn't make me happier because I was going to be miserable no matter where I was and a change of atmosphere could not bring me more happiness. The weathers looking up and the Wheelock I fell in love with two years ago is starting to return. The sun rising wakes me up sometimes and I glance at the beautiful orange horizon before I roll over and fall back asleep. I hear the birds and geese all the time which remind me even when I'm not looking out the window that warm weather is here. And with warm weather opens up new oppurtunities for activities including taking school work outside into the sun. Limiting the distractions of my room and laying in the sun is great.

I've come to a revelation. Okay, not really. I've known for years that not everyone is perfect. And Jon and I certainly are no exceptions to that. I feel that I haven't had the need to overly defend my love for him, but I know that there will come a day when I must. Not because I need to convince someone that I love him because as long as Jon knows how much I love him than that's all that matters. But there may be a day where I need to prove to my mother that this is more than just some high school sweethearts love. It's deeper than that. I've found an unmistakable connections where I feel that I can be myself with him and we'll have each other forever to shares our lives with. I think I've put a surreal spin on our relationship when really there's been conflicts. I've yet to make Jon mad and I can't decide how I feel about that. I do know that we've come into the phase of our relationship where it feels real and I feel completely comfortable calling him out on things that upset me or need to be worked on.

Obviously, no relationship is perfect. And I'm glad we've had difficult times. I've established personal rules that I believe have deepened our relationship. One rule I've decided on is that I should never have to run to anyone, but Jon to consult on an issue that's between Jon and I. It's amazing how well a realationship works when you talk about the issues that effect the relationship with the people in the relationship. Sounds simple, but took me a very long time to grow up and make sense of. I think Dr. Phil might have helped a bit with that one. Another rule is honesty. Which again, seems simplictic, but has made us very strong. There's no avoidance of issues, no beating around bushes, just the plain truth.

Each time we've sorted through a issue or situation we've prevailed stronger and with more admiration and respect for one another. It's more than just the love that I have for Jon and the way he makes me feel. He's the one who I want to work through life with. He's not the easiest person I could settle down with and I know that, but I know that both him and I have the patience, love and understanding for one another to sit down and work things out. He's stubborn and although I've never witnessed it, I hear he's got a pretty hot temper. But, I've let him know what I will and will not stand for. And it sounds like a difficult combination when you throw in my stubborness, but he's not only the man I love, but he's the man who I want to debate with about our life together. I have found a patience and an enormous amount of love that I know will aid in him taking the time to stop, understand and resolve with me. I've seen many sides of Jon in the past four months. I've loved some and been torn apart by some, but when all is said and done I want Jon to forever be there next to me in my life.

I'm way excited to go home this weekend. Three weeks feels like forever. I miss everyone. I really miss my Grandma and my mom and my dad...okay I miss everyone. I feel like I value my grandma and my mother so much now a days. It's weird, but I feel like the three of us have reconnected so much and I have missed out on so much. My mother is part time right now and has started to take my grandma grocery shopping once a week and tries to get her to take walks. It reminds me of that small part of me that wanted to go to school around my house to be closer to my family, but I'll be just fine right here.

4/9/06 11:48 pm

Read more...Collapse )

4/3/06 10:32 pm

100 have you evers...

1. Made out for more than 3 minutes? yes

2. Slept in a different bed? yes

3. Made out in a movie theatre? yes

4. Made out with 2 different people in one night? yes

5. Thought your cousin was hot? no

6. Been in love? Yes, I am.

7. Slept? yes

8. Taken a shower with the opposite sex? No, but trust me I’m planning on it

9. Gone over the speed limit? Yes

10. Painted your room?When I was little

11. Driven a car? yes

12. Danced in front of your mirror? yes

13. Gotten a hickey? HEHE YES

14. Been dumped? Yes

15. Stolen money from a friend? Yeah, but I gave it back, i think? (NO YOU DIDN’T JEN WHERE’S MY DAMN MONEY!)

16. Gotten in a car with people you just met? yes

17. Been in a fist fight? no

18. Snuck out of your house? Yes, wish I hadn’t

19. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? yes

20. Been arrested? no

21. Made out with a stranger? No

22. Left your house with out telling your parents? yes

23. Had a crush on your neighbor? yes

24. Ditched school to do something more fun? yes

25. Slept in a bed with a member of the same or opposite sex? yes

26. Seen someone die? no

27. Been on a plane? yes

28. Kissed in a picture? yes

29. Slept in until 3? no

30. Love someone or miss someone right now? Definitely my best friends and obviously Jon

31. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yes
32. Made a snow angel? yes

33. Played dress up? yes

34. Cheated while playing a game? yes

35. Been lonely? yes

37. Been to a club? Yes

38. Felt an earthquake? No

39. Touched a snake? no

40. Ran a red light? yes

41. Been suspended from school? no

42. Had detention? yes

43. Been in a car? yes

44. Hated the way you look? yes

45. Witnessed a crime? yes

46. Been lost? yes

47. Been to the opposite side of the country? yes

48. Felt like dying from embarrassment? yes

49. Cried yourself to sleep? yes

50. Sang karaoke? yes

51. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? yes

52. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? No

53. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes

54. Kissed in the rain? yes

55. Sung in the shower? yes

56. Had a dream that you married someone? yes

57. played getting married? yes

58. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? no


59. Ever gone to school partially nude? no

60. Been a hooker? no

61. Sat on a roof top? yes

62. Didn't not shower for a week? probably

63. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone? no

64. played chicken? no

65. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? no

66. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? yes

67. Broken a bone? no
68. Been easily amused? yes

69. Laugh so hard you cry? yes

70. Cheated on a test? yes

71. Forgotten someone's name? yes

72. Blacked out from drinking? Not from drinking…

73. Played a prank on someone? yes

74. Gone to a late night movie? yes

75. Made love to anything not human? Um…I’m trying to think, we all know sara’s got a yes to put here.

76. Failed a class? no

77. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? no

78. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? yes

79. Cheated on a girlfriend/boyfriend? yes

80. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? yes

81. Thrown strange objects? no

82. Felt like someone? No

83. Thought about running away? no
84. Ran away? no

85. Had detention and not attend it? no

86. Made parents cry? no

87. Cried over someone? yes

88. Owned more than 5 sharpies? yes

89. Dated someone more than once? Unfortunately, ididn’t learn the first time or the second time…

90. Have a dog? yes

91. Own an instrument? yes

92. Been in a band? yes

93. Drank 25 sodas in a day? no

94. Broken a cd? Yes, it was a dvd

95. Shot a gun? Yes, and I’m good, so watch the fuck out

96. Been on myspace for more than 5 hours? no

97. Been through puberty? Yes yay!

98. Have a major crush on someone right now? Yes

99. Have a religion? No and I don’t want one

100. Thought about what people would say at your funeral? No

3/29/06 11:24 pm

Can I just tell you that in the past 37 hours I've looked at the clock at exactly 11:11 each time. I've looked at the clock at exactly 11:11 three times in the past day in a half and have made the same blissful wish/statement each and every time. Please oh please.
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